Friday, August 17, 2018

In the News

In Order to Cut Costs, Loyola PD to Use Chinese Finger Traps Instead of...

LOYOLA — “Loyola PD will from now on use Chinese finger traps instead of handcuffs to detain anyone who needs detaining” announced head of Loyola Police Department, Harry Weiner, before reaching down into a...

Quote of the Day

FOR A GOOD TIME, CALL 911.

News In Brief

  • Roommate’s Cool Visiting Cousin Makes Roommate Look Like Total Loser
  • Res Life Reveals Plans to Replace 2018 Housing Lottery with Live Game of Survival (see SAGA/DOP for tickets)
  • Professor’s Pit Stains Reveal Image of Messiah’s Face, English 273 Becomes Religious Pilgrimage Destination
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