Five Ways to Spot Secret Trump Supporters

  1. Faces on the back of their head. Have you ever seen Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone? You know when Professor Quirrel turns out to be Voldemort the whole time? Trump supporters are like that.
  2. They hate every song ever written by Devo. Trump supporters just hate Devo so much. Not even “Whip It” is immune to their rage.
  3. A Trump supporter is always really into Minor League Baseball. A so called “true American “ loves the affiliates of Major League Baseball teams. So if you see anyone wearing the apparel of the Akron Rubber Ducks or the Hartford Yard Goats, that person is maybe probably a Trump supporter.
  4. Trump supporters are staunchly anti-mechanical pencil. So if you see someone using a plain old pencil, and they give you dirty looks for your new-age yuppie mechanical, that person might have donated to the Trump campaign.
  5. Trump supporters favorite version of Law and Order is Criminal Intent. Dick Wolf’s crime procedural empire spreads vast and far, and Trump supporters love Vincent D’Onofrio’s performance. Which is dumb, everyone knows SVU is the best Law and Order.