“The Vagina is a Subtle Machine,” According to Supremely Confident 12 Year Old Boy

TEMPE, AZ- Human sexuality is a complicated and messy whirlpool of stimuli both physical and emotional. It takes most experts decades before they can confidently give advice on the subject, but according to local reports, seventh grader Dylan Crane has got it all figured out.

Crane was overheard yesterday in the second floor boys restroom giving a short walk-through on a subject that he is obviously well-versed in. Covering everything from “the flaps” to “the wet parts,” Dylan spared no detail in explaining the mysteries of the vagina to his fellow students. When reached for comment, Crane flashed his trademark self-assured smile and explained his simple approach to “the hole.”

“An engineer should have a keen understanding of his tools before he starts a job, and brother I promise you my tools aren’t an issue.” A fearless casanova with his finger on the button, Crane has a black book thicker than the hotties he’s always locking down. “Over the summer I couldn’t keep my dick dry, man. Girls are like a game of chess, and I swear there was just so much strange out there for the taking if you knew where to look and which moves to make. It’s all so simple.”

Dylan has allegedly been pulling tail ever since he got that instagram model girlfriend last year, who goes to a different school so you probably wouldn’t even know her.