Loyola Weekend a Success for Students Looking for Free Food

Loyola weekend, where admitted students get acquainted with their newest money-drain, is an exciting time for more than future freshman. It signals an opportunity for current students, cut off from their parents’ credit cards after spending too much money on Ubers and “Venmos for food,” to descend vulture-like onto the cold cuts and suspiciously ripe fruits of the free food offered to these new ramblers.

“I just don’t have much food at home, and I’m saving my money for a new pair of Gucci slides anyways,” says Samantha Fieldman, eating in De Nobili dining hall with her 7-day meal plan. “But really, I do it for the rush” continued Samantha, unprompted. “ I haven’t stolen anything in my life and I rarely leave campus, so it feels really good to live a little bit.”

Other students felt the same; many could be seen walking suspiciously out of Damen with various mediocre looking food products.

In response to this and other incidents of theft, Campus Safety sent out an email reminding students the food is for newly accepted students only, and will be implementing a police crackdown on Loyola’s campus. Anyone who doesn’t look like a high-school senior that is caught with the food will be killed on the spot.