After losing Super Bowl LII to the Philadelphia Eagles, New England Patriots got to work on a new software update for Tom Brady.
TB_SB_52 will be ready to be installed by the time training camp starts in June.
Robert Kraft, the Patriots’ owner said he is disappointed in the outcome of the Super Bowl and eager to upgrade his sentient quarterback cyborg.
After Brady’s operating system crashed in the first half of Super Bowl LI, the programmers behind the Patriots dynasty made sure to include code that prevents 28-3 first half deficits, they failed to install a feature that stopped the Eagles offense from marching down the field with ease.
As another safeguard, Brady’s previous update included an interception prevention package and a second half God-mode feature but it wasn’t enough to ensure the win. Especially because the Patriots forgot to include an anti-strip sack function.
Neil Butler, one of the programmers has worked on Brady’s code for 15 years and believes he let the team down but can prevent another humiliating Super Bowl loss.
“We started this season with a version of the operating system that was really buggy,” Butler said. “But around midseason we had fixed everything and have only been refining the program since then. We’re ready to go back to the drawing board and figure this out.”
Brady, who was attached to a computer through a USB cable and can only communicate through binary until the season starts next year is confident in his team’s ability to come back from this loss.
“01001001 00100111 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01100010 01100001 01100011 01101011 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100100 01100101 01110011 01110100 01110010 01101111 01111001 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101110 01100101 01111000 01110100 00100000 01111001 01100101 01100001 01110010,” Brady said.