The Moon Landing and 9/11 Were Faked and so was My Orgasm

Modern co-eds engage with theoretical texts and competing philosophies in an effort to deconstruct knowledge previously held in absolute belief. In other words, most contemporary students find college to be a good time to search for Truth.

For example, a few months ago I was hanging out with this guy from my MATH 108 class who goes by “Beck” even though his name is Carter, and he presented me with some pretty compelling evidence suggesting that the tragic events occuring on September 11th, 2001 were, in fact, an elaborate and multi-leveled government conspiracy made to justify an illegal Bush invasion of Afghanistan. Because of the sensitive nature of the videos he showed me from, I cannot link them here, but I’m sure you get the gist.

In my new state of fighting for the dissemination of truth, though, I feel the need to make an admission. Later into my evening with “Beck,” when things became amorous, I put into motion a conspiracy of my own. Like the beautiful day in 1969 when Neil Armstrong first set foot onto the surface of the moon, the orgasm that I experienced was also directed by Stanley Kubrick on a soundstage somewhere in a Hollywood backlot.

It was not my proudest moment, but, at this point, we’d been at it for about forty-five minutes, and I was ready to head home and watch “Property Brothers” with my roommates. Jet fuel can’t melt steel beams, and vaginal penetration alone will never make me cum. Sorry “Beck,” but I just had to get it over with.