LOYOLA — Tail wiggling is at an all time low around Loyola’s Lake Shore Campus. An orange safety alert has been issued by Campus Safety due to an increasing number of sightings of a rotund three foot tall man wearing an oversized hunter’s cap.
The most recent statement released by Campus Security informs that the sightings have been confirmed to be that of Elmer Fudd, known rabbit hunter.
“We’re definitely on high alert right now. Disgustingly, Fudd’s known M.O. is using an old blunderbuss shotgun. It’s very messy and we can only imagine he gets some sick joy out of it,” said a Campus Safety representative.
Authorities state that the easiest way to identify Fudd is his completely brown outfit and inability to pronounce the letter “r.” Authorities have also issued a 6 PM curfew for all bunnies until Fudd is apprehended.
Local bunnies seem troubled by the news. When approached by reporters, all a local bunny could do was twitch its nose and drop a few pellets, seemingly paralyzed by fear. However, not all bunnies are giving in to the terror. A proactive bunny was seen placing rakes around campus, laying down potential traps for Fudd. The bunny, who gave no name, stated, through gritted teeth, “I will lay down my bunny life in order to catch Fudd. That short bald shit has been terrorizing my kind for too long.”