ROGERS PARK — Lead Coordinator of Loyola Dining, Durr Tiplates, spoke at the Aramark Food Conference this afternoon to announce a surprise meal for Cinco De Mayo.
Tiplates reportedly could not contain his excitement as he stuttered and stammered out, “we’re really proud of this one, and we think you guys will love it too.”
Signalling for someone to cut the lights, Tiplates turned on a fog machine and started to point a flashlight at a disco ball held in one hand. It was then, sources say, that Tiplates established a “yo quiero” chant amongst the conference goers and pulled back the curtains to reveal a Taco Bell bag propped up on a pedestal.
Every conference member approached for a statement was unable to speak because of what they had just seen.
“It’s not easy being the epitome of practicality and creativity, but someone’s gotta do it — especially when it comes to Cinco De Mayo,” Durr Tiplates said when approached for comment. “It’s important we celebrate such an important day which is important not just for those who speak Spanish but for everyone.”
Asked if he knew the significance of Cinco De Mayo, Tiplates started to walk away while mumbling and muttering, “very important for all us. Very important. Taco Bell fits like an important glove.”