Cook County Jail Recruits Columbia Grads, Mug Shots Now Follow Rule of Thirds

CHICAGO – A match was made in unemployment heaven this past week as a representative from Cook County Jail mistakenly set up a booth at Columbia College’s Photography employment fair. The booth was intended to be a response to the university’s informational session on the Stage Combat minor, a program that the sheriff believes to be a gateway drug to crime.

As self-named Senior Clementine Moonstone was perusing the booths, the mugshots attached to Sheriff Calhoun’s poster caught her eye.

“I haven’t seen such sloppy work since my Freshman year ‘eternal sunshine of the photographic mind’ class when Danielle Hindman took a centered photo of a daisy and the entire class laughed her all the way to a DePaul finance degree.”

After speaking with Calhoun and showing the sheriff her most recent work, an inner look at the sex lives of raisins, Moonstone had found herself a job as the jail’s new prison portrait photographer.

“Her work here has truly been revolutionary,” said Calhoun. “I didn’t know Stabby Steve even HAD a good side.”

Moonstone said that her family was shocked at her new employment — or rather that she had found it.