T.I., The Rapper, Marries Into TI Calculator Family

GENEVA, IL.

It was a jubilant scene inside the local Best Buy where T.I., the rapper, married his longtime girlfriend, TI-84, The Silver Edition+. Moments earlier, TI-84 was carried through every aisle and delivered to the altar/checkout by Best Buy Assistant Manager Ron*. The ceremony was short and lyrical, conducted by one time collaborator with T.I., Rihanna. The couple forewent the vow-reading portion of the ceremony.

As T.I. was lifting TI-84’s case, T.I.’s side of the aisle, which included rapper Eminem, could not contain its excitement and began to clap. TI-84’s side, however, was able to maintain composure throughout the entire event, remaining silent and motionless even after T.I. and TI-84 shared their first kiss as a married couple.

Carrying his new bride in hand and headed towards the Best Buy break room converted into a “bridal suite”, T.I. stopped to face the reporters and stated, “this relationship that started in 10th grade geometry will continue on all over the world for the rest of our lives.”

Throughout the day, customers at the Best Buy reported hearing laughter from the “bridal suite” and, hours after closing, a janitor alleged seeing a panting T.I. emerge with TI-84 in hand with her display reading 8008135.

*Assistant Manager Ron’s name tag only had “Ron” on it, and reporters were unable to get a last name.