Quentin Tarantino Buys the Rights to Sr. Jean’s Life Story.

CHICAGO — Loyola’s campus, still abuzz after coming in fourth place in a sports tournament, once again has something to celebrate. Reports are coming in from Hollywood that Sr. Jean’s life story will be making its way to the big screen in a film directed by none other than Quentin Tarantino.

“I remember being absolutely fascinated by her presence when I was watching college basketball,” said Tarantino in an interview with the Hollywood Gazette. “I figured for sure that she would be more in Spielberg’s wheelhouse, but then I saw her hold up that sword and realized I had to have her.”

The film will take audiences from Sr. Jean’s youth where she experiences the rise and fall of Hitler through her time as a professor at the all girl’s Mundelein college, which Tarantino “will have an absolute field day with,” according to the press. Finally, the film will conclude with her meteoric rise to fame alongside Loyola’s men’s basketball team.

Many believe Tarantino is trying to repair some of his image following a breaking story from earlier this year, in which, in an effort to cut to the front of the line at an Auntie Anne’s, he pushed several nuns to the ground. However, early drafts of the screenplay seem to hint that the film will lean towards the slasher genre.

Despite calls for a real Sister of Charity of the Blessed Virgin Mary to play the role of the titular character, it appears that the shortlist for actresses includes Scarlett Johansson in prosthetics and Uma Thurman. Christoph Waltz has been tapped to play Porter Moser with Samuel L. Jackson as Donte Ingram. Brad Pitt will be playing God.

“Much like the bobbleheads, the proceeds will go to a good cause,” said Sr. Jean after signing the multi-picture deal with the Django Unchained director, “finally getting me on Ellen!”

The movie is set for a 2020 release, and will be dedicated to Sr. Jean or potentially her memory. It will be showing every single day in the Damen Cinema.